Saturday, February 21, 2009

宅女的新衣 ( 送給Carson)

宅女,不諳穿衣之道,不懂化妝技巧,更不懂營造髮型.尤幸身邊有兩位張家小姐,義務作形象指導,經過兩年「除宅行動」,初見小成.但女生宅性太深.未經兩位高人審批的行裝,理論上,可以穿;實際上,她不敢穿.

一天,宅女收到突發邀約,需要決定行裝.惟張大小姐忙於享受陽光海灘,無暇理會宅女死活.張二小姐在趕往開會途上,但亦善心地提議宅女於電話中,口述心水選擇,讓她作個定斷.

宅女:「Hm..紅色個條,新買架,個cutting同你個條橙色花花裙差唔多,黑色個條,咪你話我十世都唔著個條McQueen囉.藍色個條...」

二小姐:「紅色個條咩質地咩Length?你邊條McQueen呀,你條條都係黑裙,我點記得?藍色,咩藍?Navy? Sky? Cyan? 」

宅女:「紅色個條Knee Length,Satin?但有彈性架播,係咪Lycra先真?我唔知,令令地架囉... 」

二小姐怒吼:「妖你,買條裙你連咩質地都唔知?」

宅女被罵,心怯,細細聲以極有限的認知繼續口述.依依哦哦了兩三分鐘,仍然說得不清不楚.

掛線前,張二小姐拋下一句:
打電話問功夫仲Work過你打電話問Fashion,好好反省下啦!」

碰了一鼻子灰,宅女只得望著三條裙子發呆.距離約定時間只剩九十分鐘,心急,一轉念,她想到新方法,去麻煩別的朋友.

她逐一穿上裙子,對鏡自拍,再以電郵及MSN征求協助.經五位不同年齡品味的好心男女審批後,以四票對一票通過黑裙子為第一選擇.

奈何宅女心中想穿的,明明是那條藍色裙子呀!死不忿氣的她,竟然在想 「這幫人,根本不明白裙子的成本效益論.還是問問小S安全!」

她再次拿起電話,撥了一通IDD到印度,以友情要脅Evil Twin 的小S即時上網,為她作最後決定.小S無奈答應,但說要十至十五分鐘後才能上線.宅女趁這個空檔,以極速洗頭沖涼,跳回電腦前時,小S剛登入MSN.

小S:「睇左你d相啦.你想佢心藏病發,藍色;唔想佢死住,黑色啦…喂你d頭髮記住紮起,但唔好立死All Back...」
宅女:「喂開Webcam丫!」
小S:「唔係屋企,無Cam...」
宅女:「下!?」
小S:「屋企Internet神左,要去Internet Café.今晚咩Plan呀?喂你諗住著邊對鞋呀?」
宅女:「I MISS U SO MUCH! (喊樣Icon)」

(完)
此文同步於卡臣博客作全球首播!!!
--------------------
Blog界鬼才卡臣說要休博至三月,Eric提議由讀者串場,以作回饋.聖誕時收過卡Sir為我寫的一口咬定你,禮尚往來,當然要參一腿出分力.

本想寫個以卡Sir作主角的故事,奈何欠缺過人想像力,還是出賣下自己的宅女生活安全.卡Sir讀過,竟戲言我送他一篇少女心事,還質疑我是否「扮野」!哼哼哼,實在可惡極了!

可我還是捨不得罵卡Sir,就算不感謝他經年地為我們帶來抵死過癮的文字,也得感激他連續寫廿三個故事送予Blogger的心思毅力.

這個靚仔,實在太抵咬了.(喂,到底前後爭你幾多啖呀?I lost count...)
--------------------
附上黑裙照片一張,以証真有其事,還是早幾天才發生的!宅性,果真難移!

37 comments:

Ingrid said...

完全同意,宅性,真係好難移!

市場維京人 said...

終於睇到你篇 post 啦。

你 D 朋友真係唔話得,屋企上唔到網都喺 Internet Cafe 度幫你手。

老實講句,識咁多嘅女性朋友,基本上對於自己買過嘅衫係咩質地,真係可以如數家珍咁數番出嚟,聽到都覺得不可思議!

Jenna Michelle said...

條裙真係ok喎!

Morca said...

唔係喎, 我覺得呢個係你囉!

篤篤篤撐 said...

條裙真係ok喎!x2

整埋條藍色裙比大家睇下la

小瓶子 said...

为什么蓝色裙会心藏病發?

JC said...

巧sexy呀。

等緊藍色裙呀...............

:)

C+ said...

RE: Ingrid
嗨,成功去宅化,真是長路漫漫!另,很喜歡你最近貼的 Spring Picks =)

RE:市場維京人
尋日講完,今日真係捧場,你真真唔話得!質地呢回事,其實我好想答 "鬼知咩,咪布囉!" 但實在太怕被二少姐以語言強暴,唯有老作!

RE: Jenna Michelle
釘僑!但你睇我,連一條咁簡單既裙都決定唔到,實在係宅爆了!

C+ said...

RE: Morca
死啦,唔明添!可唔可以講明d?

RE: 篤撐
嘿,條裙仔唔止OK睇得,仲 OK Work添!哈哈哈哈哈

RE: 瓶子
Hm... becos it has a provocative cutting!!

RE: JC
釘僑釘橋.藍色裙仔啦窩...比我諗諗!

卡臣 said...

C ister

唔好咁見外先,大家後生仔女,做乜咁客氣.

乜妳會躊躇著乜赴約咩?
具自信的人(如妳):是妳穿衫, 不是衫穿妳

anyway, 對象一定十分欣賞啦...我估

欠幾多口?
2口呀!妳話有拖無欠嘛!

再一次多謝妳的故事!

多謝撐我場
我下次定還妳人情

馬迷甲 said...

我見過呢個背影!

Ingrid said...

哈哈,我覺得宅開有條路,好似越宅越見光死咁

spring picks全部都係得個睇字,買唔起亦著唔起,旨在拼拼貼貼過下癮~~~

pakman said...

How come there is hardly any anonymous here at this blog, while mine is infested with them?

C+ said...

卡Sir,見係你,好啦,靜靜話你知,其實...我真係好柯哥架!嘻嘻!

得,有拖無欠,下個星期個單野,On top再加兩啖OK!?

今次錫啖,唔咬 =)

***
Ingrid,我覺得只要宅女們比多d信心,不久就可以反攻返個Market!Have Faith!!! =)

C+ said...

>>我見過呢個背影!

馬迷甲,見過?你係咪呀你?難道你係裙子的觀眾!?

***
Shuen, try posting a photo of u in a backless dress and see if it helps! =)

laulong said...

哇,C+,你寫啲嘢好過癮噃!

C+ said...

哎呀,不敢當不敢當.你願意花時間讀,小妹感激不盡!

莎拉 said...

我個衣櫃都有好幾條one piece dress,standby 嘛!點知幾時無厘頭用得著?

路人甲乙丁 said...

孫柏文呃咗、氹咗咁多女人;然後不了了之。仇家咁多,多D人以Anon留名寸佢都唔出奇吖?唔通俾佢玩完仲係佢個blog留名,俾佢玩多一鑊咩!

最近有個Anon留comment話you got my number就知啦!

無得怨嘅!

馬迷甲 said...

C小姐, 不是講笑. 成餐飯顧住偷望呢個背影, 個客講咩都聽唔入耳.

C+ said...

莎拉!One piece 簡直係救星啦,唔想又Quote Chanel,但無論每年又話 New Black 係紅橙黃綠青藍紫,A little black dress is forever!

好掛住耶!攬攬先

* * *

路人甲乙丁,多謝留言.Hm...

C+ said...

馬迷甲,車,講笑找第二樣啦.宅女細膽,你再咁玩,我唔敢出街啦!

c said...

咁靚,唔好宅la~,好浪費啊﹗哈哈﹗

我就真係宅喇﹗v.v~~~

c said...

又,我成日遲到,
都唔知你睇唔睇到,
哈哈﹗

C+ said...

衰妹,今晚咁岩開住Ymail,即刻覆到你喎!呵呵~

又,唱句歌過你聽先
"有時激情捉系手裡面會化為灰燼
反而藏繫心底可以歷久常新"

哇哈哈,一於繼續收埋,宅宅宅宅宅!

馬迷甲 said...

兩個人,坐係窗邊近露台張檯嘛,信未?? 連續見你兩次, 你喜歡賭馬?

C+ said...

馬迷先生,請留步!

哪,下次你敢埋去Say Hi,如果真係我既,我一定認.但懇請你唔好再係度話見到我,真係好驚架!我唔係唔見得人,但萬一嚇驚我d朋友仔,無人再敢同我去玩,點算呢係咪?

煩請比個面,幫幫手可以嘛?

另一馬會會員 said...

妳認唔到啫...但我哋認到孫某

pakman said...

Just a quick note.

We are going this weds.

If you want to win $$, you have to come over and say hi... and stay for a beer.

We have the greatest form reader there that night.

會員 said...

真係拍拖?孫先生

C+ said...

另一馬會會員:我唔知孫先生上星期係唔係馬場,如果你見到佢,而佢身邊又有一名女子,果個絕對唔係我囉.

* * *
Shuen, right, let's invite everyone to the course once and for all. Apparently I have attracted the like-minded gamblers to my blog, which shd be a great thing right!?

pakman said...

multi task...

But mainly to win some $$...

trust me, standing and jostling for space for hours next to the paddock is not as good as hanging around on a plush sofa...

There is a reason why you have to be near the horses...

莎拉 said...

嘩!乜事吖!一日無入來咁多comment !點解D人突然間對孫柏文、又或者C+與孫柏文間咁多反應?寫blog啫,俾多小小空間大家好喎!

又,乜香港咁多馬會會員?馬塲會員席變了a place to see and to be seen ? C+,下篇文章不妨以此作background :p

** 我會今個星期日入馬塲

C+ said...

會員朋友,我話過唔答,就唔會答.OK I get that you were asking Shuen, the go ask HIM, but pls don't do it on my turf!

Can we pls leave it here?! This question, seriously, has been way passed the borderline of boredom months ago.

If u are that desperate to find out, join us on the course and see it for yourself this Wed!

C+ said...

Sarah!!! Can u imagine my shock? And my tail... exposed! WTF!?

>>下篇文章不妨以此作background
可以考慮,橫豎經此一役,以後d時地人我會全部老作!

嗚~~

莎拉 said...

不用傷心啦!只應為值得人與事,才會花上一分一秒。妳越嬲,班人越想知,越多幾分想像,就越離譜。

當自己時運高,見唔到,見唔到!妳寫blog想開心啫!為唔識的人而不高興,聽嗰個都話妳傻啦!

Give u hug !

下次最多借我自己俾妳亂寫、亂想像、對手、時間、事情任妳作點話啦!
笑番吓啦!

C+ said...

呵呵呵,呻兩句即刻有美女獻身比我任舞,呵呵呵,比人煩多幾次都抵!

莎拉啊莎拉,釘僑!啜一啖大大聲既先!=)

 
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