Thursday, April 30, 2009

留港消費 (1)

下晝四點幾,踢住三吋半高根鞋的我貪就腳,捨IFC既Leondias,到了置地某著名朱古力店買禮物.進入店內,兩位Sales姐姐眼尾都無睄我一下.

我左望望十幾款禮盒,右望望一櫃既朱古力,開聲問姐姐甲儸d頭緒.

“雜錦禮盒啦,佢有齊我地d best selling favor.”
“但我想自己揀d我覺得佢會鍾意食既口味.”
“哦,都得既,以重量計,盒另收錢.”
“咁你有咩好介紹?我未食過你地d朱古力,但送比男仔,我估佢唔鍾意食太甜太漏的.

佢眼帶鄙視地講
“下,咁你不如買雜錦禮盒啦,佢有齊我地d best selling favor.”
“但我想自.己.揀!”

佢遞五毫子Size的朱古力給我
“呢個係Today Special, Walnut XXXX”
“幾香喎,要兩粒呢個...仲有呢?”

佢靜左,企係度望住我.從佢眼神,我Get到既Msg係
“阿嬋,你唔係玩野呀?仲想呃朱古力食?”

(OK,呢一刻,我有諗過跑去Prince Building Cova再衝返黎開會,冒斷腳危險,總好過係到比人Hea我.但時間實在緊迫!)

“算啦,就要個雜錦禮盒,呢兩粒,你同我Separate包開.”

佢鬆一口氣,打開個雜錦禮盒比我Check Check,我見到盒內有張紙仔寫住“本店提供送貨服務”.

“咦,係咪可以送貨?九龍城OK嘛?”
“要收$100蚊送貨費.”
“可唔可以指定Time Frame送?”
“唔得.”
“咁呀...”(我考慮緊求其撩隻字,直接由佢地送;定係慢慢寫埋卡,再放返Office等Courier送)
“但要買夠一磅我地先送架喎.”(As if I can't afford a frigging pound of chocolate …)

OK,我都仲未發脾氣,照比錢,照走人...(絕肉後,人果然比較心平氣和…)

第二日中午,我將朱古力交比新生命,叫佢Arrange Delivery.細心既新生命將份禮物Double Check一次,Make Sure d朱古力放完一晚無溶(!?)之餘,亦Confirm下到底我有無唔記得寫卡/放埋張卡入去.

一打開個雜錦禮盒,唔講粗口既佢,彈左句
“唔L係呀?”
“咩事?做乜講粗口?”(唔係咁快教壞左佢丫!?)











“佢擺左張單係個禮盒入邊囉!!!!!”

Friday, April 24, 2009

C家風暴 - Part 2

常自稱宅女,皆因每天呆在家裡,動輒對著電腦單打獨鬥十多小時.幾年自由人生涯下來,最高紀錄為七天足不出戶,四十小時一Shift,撐了三點五Shift.

不出門不見人,正常人,可能會發瘋.但前提是,正常人,甚少會七天足不出戶.一個不正常的人,自言自語,是正常;對電腦唸唸碎,是平常;跟狗兒們訴心聲,根本就是日常.

And please, trust me when I say I actually prefer things this way.

狗竇改革工程進度緩慢,我又得再次麻煩親朋,斗膽向張二小姐乞求,望她借出Office的三五呎空間,暫且安置新生命.

二少姐的辦公室,話說回來,本該是我與張大小姐的Studio. 零七年中,我跟張大小姐被腎上腺素驅使,租下一個單位.當日雄心壯志之餘,也覺於中上環區,擁有廿呎露台的Office實屬可遇不可求.

問題是,我們漏算了,作為宅女自由人,本質上,深切痛恨上班下班的概念.

租約,是簽好了;租金,也是交定了.一年半下來,日常工作,還是躲於家中進行.那個可遇不可求的Office,裝修過後,一直被荒廢丟空.零八年尾,二小姐終於看不過眼,單人匹馬頂下那個被徹底違忘的Office.

新生命第一天入門,我再冷酷無情,也不能任他在二小姐的Office自生自滅,只得暫且丟下狗兒們,捧著Laptop跟他共同進退.而我,竟然在多年後第一次享受"上班"與"跟同事工作"的時光.

Hm, that’s my side of the story, of cos.

宅女,當然孤僻成性.於Office工作,與電腦交流溝通,已令新生命暗裡向二少姐查問,我是否內置Wireless USB Connection;最近少發文,痴女夢話無路訴,又捉著他當聽眾,滔滔地發表歪論,完全漠視他意願感受.此外,從拿Ipod換電磁,到跑上我家拿Sample,又或開會Take Minutes至零晨,甚至連我的Wardrobe Selection,到把我的舊衣登至Ebay等,統統得一手包辦.

他不覺命苦,我也戥他辛酸.

可幸的是,人性,我總算還剩半點.是以我決定待他上班三五個月後才差遣他行狗拾狗糞.那當然是,假如他捱得過這些時日.

新生命上班的第三天,我於 “Office”沉著氣以婉轉客氣的語調,在電話中跟一名無理客戶解約.甫放下電話,又忍不著露出真身,怒吼了一句

“DLS,識做既就要做埋,L我都識含,同你免費含埋好唔L好?”

新生命怔怔地望著我,無言.但我有絕對理由相信,他正在盤算著如何向我提出請辭.

--- To Be Continued

Thursday, April 23, 2009

C家風暴 - Part 1

宅女肖狗,窩居,名副其實狗竇.地方淺窄,一人兩狗,尚嫌擁擠,最近還得為著迎接一條新生命進行改革,實在是頭痛得要生腦癌.

狗在狗竇三餐一篤,理所當然.問題是,那條新生命,非我狗類.做人,總要做個像人的人;迎接人類的新生命,總得把狗竇修飾修飾,裝個人住的模樣出來.

別人說,錢解決得了的問題,不是問題.沒有錢,已是一大問題,可再難,難不過是如何整理堆積如山的身外物.書,我讀得少;但擁有的書,為數不少.衣,我不懂穿;但擁有的衣物,為數又不少.另加鞋子cd / dvd 及雜物,稱窩居作狗竇,是自貼金糠...

金糠以下,實為貨倉.

清算存貨,靠決心毅力;但在狗竇/貨倉,則靠眼明手快.蓮妹野心旺盛,不是新聞,可我做夢都沒有想到,這個女,只要見地上出現新事物,會得以六十秒極速“據為己有”.去舊迎新,本為好事一椿;在我家,卻變得像仆傻瓜遊戲.假若當初我預料到遊戲的“刺激性”,我必定會哄騙三五個dee dee仔上來:每避開蓮妹一射,得吉百利一顆.

一家便宜兩家著之餘,總好過讓我親愛的繡花步瀛齋無辜報銷.

俗務累人,每天在一堆Elevated的箱子找出所需物品外,還得提高警覺以防狗女“雀巢鳩佔”.飽經兩星期苛刻訓練,在改革接近尾聲之時,我終於學懂對抗霸道惡女的絕技 -

以狗繩限制她的活動範圍.

這麼遲才發現破解之技,是我愚笨.沒有以吉百利誘騙dee dee仔,也是我Seven..但眾所周知的事,說出來,是發洩.仍未解決的是,狗竇改革工程進度,比預期的慢了三倍;但迎接新生命的日子,不能延期之餘,也一天一天的步近…...

--- To Be Continued

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

遲來的 Steak Tartare - By 好友D

A long dued piece by my goodfriend D at 9:09pm, in case anyone is still interested!!! =)
===========================
CZ 這小妮子,從哪,從怎說起呢?雖然我有聼過人叫過她“示絲”,“示絲利亞”,“老摩”,“銀杏”,“thee-thee”等,我一直是叫她“絲時”的。認識CZ的時候她只有17嵗,她媽只有37*嵗。其實我跟她媽的年紀更接近,做成密友的反而是阿女。我是褫奪搖籃的惡魔麽?(其實如果打扮功力是一樣的話,外形上我覺得亞媽比亞女索.....)

CZ在認識我的早期不斷強調我們倆是獅子座,有若干若干共通點及多少多少相同的性格。從來就認爲星座八字塔羅統統是巫術的我,當然對她的好奇及熱誠存在“靚妹你想埋我身呀?”的感覺。但好幾個月下來,也真覺得這小妮子對事情的看法頗合我脾胃,令我回想自己17嵗對所有東西及人也是存在同樣的好奇及熱誠。

更甚的是,她竟然對我隨口說的東西認真記住(直到現在還是),這是我認識的朋友中比較少的。從我對某大提琴家的崇拜到喜歡什麽類型的女孩到對某哲學上的意見等,她一一下載到她的腦袋中,隨時準備regurgitate 出來,無論是用作對我“以子之矛,攻子之盾”的反擊好,還是循環再用當作自己的念頭也好。到底她是真的對我這個人有興趣,還是一個AB血型的人**--〉萬能受血者universal acceptor?是否她對身邊每個朋友是一樣的?

CZ跟我時至今日從來沒有男女之事,目睹她近幾年的華麗私人生活更爲自己能置身於外抹一把汗(説笑***)。我也小心的排除了她會是盲目地暗戀我而不敢向我表白的可能性。所以我是偏向覺得她是真心對我這個人有興趣有欣賞。(由小妮子對我的才華作出肯定?哼,憑她?)。話説回來,誰不喜歡有個深知自己心意的朋友?

小妮子的確長大成熟不少。我由有個 “靚妹你想埋我身呀?” 的感覺變成對她的想法做法會存在一定的尊重。從前會因爲想她生性而去縱容,到現在會因爲她是值得值得獎勵而去真心支持。

小妮子在博上橫衝直撞,得罪人多,在此以兄長身份向各路英雄賠個不是,請多多包涵。雖然,暗地裏,我對小妮子的獨特廣闊的見解及尖酸刻薄的手筆拍爛手掌,多希望身邊有多幾個能提供如此娛樂的好友。

當小妮子要求我博一篇,如此鳳毛麟角之物,本來不想輕易答應。既然已經答應,就唯有硬著頭皮上。適逢是我寶貝女出生之時,此篇博只好到這天才完工。開始寫時雄心萬丈,到現在好像不倫不類,希望小妮子不要太失望。

最後要說的是,曾聼過一個共同朋友暗地揭秘,小妮子對他說過,到那一天她結婚的時候,她會要我牽著她進教堂交給新郎****。何德何能,如此honour,希望真的等得到!

Dave
============================
C+ Notes

*她媽只有37嵗 <=== she was 36 back then

** 還是一個AB血型的人 <== my blood type is A+

***(説笑***) <== trust me he is damn serious and still feel blessed abt that. (Hor Hor Hor)

****她會要我牽著她進教堂交給新郎 <== dave oh dave, hope you won't be ashamed walking a 50 years old bride down the aisle!

Oh wellz, 3 more points before i rest peacefully in my bed:

1- I have no choice but to write a conclusion on my "experiment",not now but in the near future, i promise.

2- I am still alive, in case anyone cares.

3- Will reply to comments / email once I could type chinese.

Tata for now! Miss you all!!!

Friday, April 17, 2009

可愛的意思

試從下列選出C+於上文所指「可愛」的意思:

A) 以港女甲角度
哇,個女仔用Chanel咁威,緊係有錢人定啦,做到朋友實有So.呢個女仔,好可愛!

B) 以港女乙角度
同我一樣咁好品味,呢個女仔,都應該有我咁上下可愛卦...

C) 以路人阿嬸角度
下,個袋兩萬幾蚊,個女仔真係天真同傻得可愛.

D) 以路人阿叔角度
可愛,梗係可愛,條裙再短d仲可愛.

E) 以Chanel市場人角度
我最欣賞節衣縮食買我地Product既人,就係因為有佢地陪襯,先特顯到我個Brand既Prestigious .佢梗係可愛,但再可愛,可愛唔過香港,更可愛唔過日本.

F) 以市場阿四角度
又一個被Marketing毒害既Victim,但無佢地,我就無得撈...唔愛佢地,難道走去搖醒佢?可愛...可愛...真係好可愛...

G) 以港男甲角度 –
佢肯食大家樂,即係唔需要同佢洗錢飲飲食食,就算一年買五萬蚊Chanel比佢,除開月供三千鯪蚊就可以養得佢開開心心...呢個女仔,OK可愛!

H) 以港男乙角度
佢用Chanel,我都係養唔起架啦,再可愛又有咩用?唉...

I) 以政府高官角度
佢都咩得Chanel,以我身家,下次落區做騷一於買Hermes,然後講 「一人一個Hermes 可振興經濟,保障就業。」.呢個Muse,真係可愛.Reference

J) All of the above

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

可愛港女何其多

晚上八時多,我從28樓的酒吧離開.轉身,遇上剛Happy Hour完畢的一伙人在等電梯.

叮一聲,電梯門緩緩打開.我尾隨著這伙人走進電梯內,站在角落位置低著頭,嘗試在狹小的密室中,保留丁點私人空間.

他們在談論Laughing哥的時候,我無可避免地盯著他們腳上的鞋子.

男鞋子,我懂得不多,但他們所穿的,是我最不喜在男生腳上看到的懶佬鞋款式.
女鞋子,一概人造皮,一概膠底,一概膠睜,看得我心酸難過.

但那雙紫色漆皮的主人,有著雪白誘人的肌膚.我視線沿著她的腳眼往上移,經過她均稱的小腿,再到她的黑色及膝裙,一直往上移.

然後目光鎖定在她腰肢.
“Chanel Caviar!?” 我心怔.一抬頭,這三名衣著樸實的OL的臉蛋映入我的眼內,我將目光極速地移回她們的包包.

此時,西裝男甲說起年多前在板前壽司偶遇謝天華.

我在玩認袋遊戲:Chanel Caviar, Chole Paddington, 但那只Miu Miu Tote,我無論如何認不出來.

當我在心算著她們手上包包的總值時,Chole的女主人提議晚飯到和民解決.

然後Chanel的女主人說:
“我想打邊爐喎!丫,唔知大家樂仲有無一哥火鍋呢?”

叮一聲,電梯門又再緩緩打開,他們五人率先步出.望著她們的身影,我不禁自顧自的傻笑起來.

“可愛港女,真的,何其多...”

Friday, April 10, 2009

難怪

假如我是
自己最真摯的知己,
但同時是
自己最可怕的的敵人,
難怪我一出生便是名
精神分列病患.

這些人說:
敵是友,友是敵.
敵友難分,
難怪我如此不安;
與敵同眠,
難怪我如此迷茫.

那些人說:
要贏人,先要贏自己
勝負,勝負,
但贏的,是自己.
輸的,又是自己.
難怪我總是懶惰.

又有人說:
要認識自己,
更要認識敵人.
但我天生迷茫不安,
又生性懶惰,
難怪我一直膽怯.

愛我的人說:
親愛的,你應該
化敵為友.
難怪我一直掙扎,
難怪我一直氣餒,
難怪我一直痛苦.

願你我
不再說
難怪

Thursday, April 9, 2009

The Missing Pieces

痴女文筆有限,詞不達意時有發生.再加不學無術,寫文,只能從生活上取材.The only reason I write is to share my inconclusive findings from my life. 發「求生應變」一文,純粹想分享幾個防止墮入Obsession的實用小方法.假如引起各位誤會/不安/猜想/鼓譟/擔心,實屬無心之失,敬希各位見諒.

自知近日表現飄忽,深思過後,發現最近滯留於地球時間劇增,但心卻連做夢也想回歸火星.心難安,人,自然迷亂.未來數月,逗留地球時間只會有增無減.人必先自救而人救之,眼前首要任務,是如何重整態度,虛心拿捏地球生存之道.

另外我想重申,不論過去現在將來,懶搞笑,自嘲同扮Black Humor是本博不能欠缺的元素.假如有人真心相信我已成「棄婦」,我只能極之非常不好意思地重覆某字五次...










Wednesday, April 8, 2009

求生應變

Stop Obsessing Why & How
慶還慶,傷心還傷心,但千祈唔好坐係到死諗難諗“點解個仆街人渣做d咁仆街人渣既野?”

Ok一個仆街人渣做仆街人渣既野,係絕對正常.呢一刻,你亦的而且確係棄婦,但無謂逼到自己變成痴Q線的棄婦.

Suggestion:開始一些需要持續性的小project to divert ur focus.
My Way: 將家中地磚間的鏬縫清潔,再以毛筆掃上一層白油翻新.(好抵玩!玩左十個鐘先油得半個廳!)

Avoid Alcohol Indulgence
失戀走去劈酒,拍TVB 爛劇乎?想講酒入愁腸愁更愁,但娘之餘,我又問唔到條腸去Confirm真假.

之但係飲左酒, Drunk & Dial/ Email機會劇增之餘,第二日Hangover 時頂住頭痛諗返自己酒後糊塗既所作所為,通常會後悔得想自殺.

Suggestion:一滴酒都唔好飲.
My Way:一係唔飲,要飲就要係屋企Stock up寶礦力,再連續Shot 八個Patron,保證自己先斷片,後Pass out.訓醒時啪兩支寶礦力,噢又是新的一天了.(Not recommended for the faint hearted)

Eat Plenty Of Right Food
好多人興心情唔好,無胃口食野就由佢.我明,我都試過.但正確的食物可以Boost up your mood.朱古力有提昇情緒之用就係人都知,But a moment on the lips,forever on the hips.呢個時候,更加唔可以自暴自棄地擺d高危食物入口.

Suggestion: 唔好求其整飽自己就算,要涉取足夠蛋白質,維他命及鐵質.
My Way: 每日食兩條蕉!蕉是好很堅的,從Depression 到 Brain Power 到 Hangover 到 PMS (and the list goes on)都有食療效用!More info here.

仲有兩三項,得閒再寫.

又,炒下冷飯先
關於仆街

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

好戲之人

今早起來,再讀大小姐的電郵,心抽著痛.回了她一句: "You did enjoy the ride for as long as it lasted, and it too, was part of the reality."

讓我甜笑過的傻話;
讓我心動過的眼神;
讓我反覆回味的吻.

他第一次親口說喜歡我時的感動;
他第一次牽著我手時的微妙觸感;
他第一次赤裸身驅緊抱我的震撼.

統共是真的,
曾經,一度.
起碼,於我.

還是那句:喂人地交足戲時,我點都拍兩下手掌丫下話.

演技高低之別,並非著眼於口中所唸出的對白,而是演員如何演繹那一番已有千萬人說過的指定台詞.旁人可能早已察覺男主角的聲線語調有多浮誇,眼神動作又是如何的粗糙.是女主角意亂情迷下入戲太深,無厘頭把一齣C級驚慄懸疑片,當成A級浪漫愛情喜劇來演.

戲子無情,婊子無義.
戲外,我從來是婊子一名,
戲內,我是演婊子的戲子.
把他誤當成Tom Hanks,
因而想當一次Meg Ryan,
實是我的痴女妄想症病發而已.

擇善固執,
既然他的戲比他的心真上百倍,
也許眼前我最該做的,
是誠心地向他拜師學戲.

Meeting Copperfield (By 張大小姐)

上文提到,我跟張大小姐是心意相通的雙生兒.

以下是她於週一發給寶藥黨的電郵,Send於我文出街前的七分鐘.

現得張大小姐同意轉載,
希望各位細心欣賞,
非因你會發現我倆到底有幾邪靈地Twins,
而是因為,
這是一篇警訊.
-------------------------------
I hung up with my friend C. Pondering.

Not only do our menstruation cycles sync up after years of being good friends, we dress up in similar outfits when we meet up, even our relationships with men resembles one another. But, this isn't a piece about our psychic ability, this is a story about a week in Denver.

I have concluded you are a genuine jerk. You lied to my face with such ease and grace, it's unbelievable. You schemed and plotted, using all your assets (literally everything material wise and emotional wise) to achieve this plan of yours. Congratulations, master of deception. You are David Copperfield.

I am not asking for an essay or a lengthy heartbreaking conversation explaining why you ceased communication with me and have disappeared from the face of earth. I'm not even there physically to cause a scene or scar your oh so delicate heart. I am seven-thousand-four-hundred-seventy-eight miles away from you, with no direct flights from my point to your point, pleading for a reply through emails. I deserve a proper closure for what happened between us. Why? Because decent, mature, kind human beings do not turn away from situations like such, knowing fully that a simple "yes", "no", "hi", "ok" is all that's needed to comfort the other party and to put an end to things. And, maybe deep down inside, in my fucked up sense of rationality, I still think that you are a nice person and what you have shown me during that week wasn't a hallucination. No, it was real - the reality of you deceiving me.

You picked me up from Denver International Airport 9.30 in the morning on a Wednesday. Wearing a bright red shirt. Your favorite color. I was too nervous and excited to even look you straight in the eyes. You bought a GPRS system, so my visit would go as smoothly as possible. Unused to the functions on the little device yet you refused to let me teach you or touch the machine, because that means I could peek at the places you were planning for me to visit. You wanted them to be a surprise.

We argued on that Thursday. I stayed in the car throwing a tantrum, you went ahead to get take out. You took a long time, considering it was fast food. I never mentioned that I saw you from outside, and caught you trying to clamp a plushie from one of those claw machines. You failed in the end, but I teared up in joy, babe.

I woke up 3.50am, found you sitting beside me applying Benedril on my dime sized mosquito bites. You said, "Baby, you were scratching non-stop, I went and bought you some cream."

I would have been just as happy, if we had sandwiches in the car for dinner instead of sharing fondue on Monday evening. Sipping sauvignon blanc by the Trinchero family, feeding each other sizzling cubes of food, licking off the accidental droplets of cheese landing on you and on me, admiring the setting sun and its splendid colors in a private curtained booth in the restaurant. Chad, our waiter, assured us we would have absolute privacy after all the dishes were served to our table.

The view was amazing even if it was just overlooking some highway in Littleton. I thought, yea, I could leave my concrete jungles behind. Stop wearing Christian Louboutins. Give up those pretty Chloe dresses. Sell my sea view pad. Be thousands of miles away from my friends. For you, in the middle of butt fuck no where.

"I really care for you and I like you a lot, in case you didn't notice."
"Silly woman, of course I know. Come here to me."

I honestly don't understand how you did it, Asshole. The facial expressions, the dialogs, the actions, the manners, were all 10 out of 10, flawless. You really didn't have to go that far to please me if you were just trying to tap my ass. You knew I have already fallen for you. All you needed was to ask. No strings attached if you stated what exactly you were looking for in the first place. It's almost as if you are justifying breaking my heart into a million pieces in that sick and twisted mind of yours with all the niceness. You could have stopped all the sweetness that Wednesday I was leaving the base. On the way to the airport, you didn't have to ask me if I would stay a couple more days, just to wake from that week of dream a little later. That question melted my heart. You didn't have to pack a bag of popcorn for me and put it into my hand-carry secretly, in case I got hungry on the flight.

You were a great friend and a great listener, you made me laugh. You came back to your room between work breaks, just to show me your color changing eyeglasses on Skype because I had never seen them before. We talked for hours on the phone with you asking "Why is it so hard to hang up on you baby?" at the end of each of our conversations. You hadn't once disappointed me in anyway for the past 3 years we have known eachother, prior to the week.

"I will fly to Aurora from Hong Kong, stay for a week and see where it would bring us, William Jones."

I was so wrong.

PS ( Please substitute your name with any digusting male name pops up in your head, and change the location to HK and basically it will be my friend's version of "Meeting Copperfield".)

-------------------------------

唉,我既PS係:
各位姊妹,帶眼識人矣啦.

又,點解我個個朋友仔都勇我咁多?
自爆呢回事呢......
Hm.....

Monday, April 6, 2009

親愛的,我回來了

小時讀女校,友輩間相傳,好姊妹會隨著交情加深,邪靈地變得Around the same time M到.這些年仍未能証實傳聞,再好姊妹,也總不好意思每月問:「喂你今個月幾號M到?黎左幾多日?」 再者,我又沒有誤踏PMS地雷陣的危機,這等經年的Surveillance report,還是交由男人負責實際.

當然,假如他施以可觀利誘,我是絕對願意出賣好友生理週期表的.

近日跟張大小姐捧著電話互訴仆街人事,一說之下,發現我倆近期的仆街遭遇,肇事地點雖然不同,但仆街原因,落地姿態以及受傷位置,一式一樣.

人說雙生兒有心靈感應,我與大小姐相交相識近廿個年頭,早已心意互通.對仆街事的應變措施,大同小異;但說到雙生,還是比不上那兩位犯案動機與手法同出一轍的騙徒.

好姊妹,未必一同M到,但會Around the same time仆 very similar的街.

遇上寶藥黨,理應即時向親戚朋友作出呼籲,以防增加受害人數.但經我倆事後檢討,發現今次上當原因,離不開一個七字.士氣再低落,骨氣,總得保育.打落門牙和血吞,實是自作七後,必然要吃的果.

驕兵之所以必敗,因終會被自負矇混,自命高手之日,便是忘卻「一山還有一山高」之時.

說起高手,其實夏生還有三兩篇博弈文於我手上.但經商量後,決定把它們留作內部傳閱:一來怕Political Incorrectness,二來怕被人誤解為博弈高手,前來挑戰比武.

又,你曾幾何時見David Copperfield無情情抽起條筋自爆魔術秘技?

Thursday, April 2, 2009

模式化約會

最近幾位博弈者不約而同的嘆道:香港的Dating Scene,好很悶。

原因:太難找到旗鼓相當的對象。

不知何時開始,於香港Dating,有一套特定模式。

想見你,不單應該主動約會你,還得找一個冠冕堂皇的藉口約會你。
(想看你的臉,不就是最好的原因嗎?)

掛念你,不單應該主動致電你,還得隔著電話說一句親愛的我想你。
(我無端來電,不是因掛念你想聽聽你聲音,打來幹舍?)

喜歡你,應當一星期七天跟你膩在一起,亦因此必須跟你不喜歡的人斷絕來往。
(介紹你給我的朋友認識,不是尊重的表現嗎?你竟反過來嫌疑棄他們?)

噢,當然還得送你你喜歡的貴重禮物以表誠意。
不斷的要求呵索,不斷的取悅奉承,And you wonder why 熱情一定會冷卻?

博弈者須為對象進行心理質數評估,就是要濾走模式化的信徒。
Sorry, we just don’t have time for that shit.
And in case you didn't already know,
I am in fact, a person with free will,
who will never become your fxxking slave.

然後約會對象說:
你不這樣那樣做,就等於不喜歡我。

親愛的,我當然不喜歡你。
我們認識了還不夠兩星期...

======
C+ 有話說
最近黎三萬太紅,忍唔住想抽抽水。

月入三萬的女人,梗係想找個收入高過佢既男人
月入三十萬的女人,洗鬼理男人收入幾多咩...

唉幾時先學識爭氣呢真係?

喂,你地知我係掛住你地,亂咁找籍口插下嘴架可?

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Players Vs Gamers

C+舊文The Generics Strategies Of...,意圖描繪高中低手「玩家」的進攻策略.今天就說說另一種約會生態,我們圈內稱之為「博弈者」(Gamers)的一群。

「玩家」與「博弈者」的最大分別,在於策略應用。「玩家」大多只得三兩款Standardized技量賣弄,不論對象,策略一致。「博弈者」奉行博弈論,總是先預測約會對象行為,觀察實際行為,再度身制定優化策略。

「玩家」喜風頭,把不得全世界都知道他的風流史,最好你有幸親眼目擊,再把艷史傳開以為他作Word Of Mouth 宣傳,特喜歡把約會對象帶至相熟地方,以便別人把他認出。

「博弈者」擅低調,當親朋好友都為他孤家寡人著急,其實過去半年的約會對象多得你Lost Track。從未被人發現,是他擅於Go under the radar,是以從不帶約會對象到自己地盤。

「玩家」喜速戰速決,嚴謹地計算成本效益,以本小利大方案捕捉獵物。總言之先到手,再決定Empty Trash與否。

「博弈者」沉迷於Chase & Catch,暗自期求對象不要太快落疊,以便扭盡心思把誘惑升級。那當然是他過足癮之前的事。

「玩家」的對象多而廣,樣貌加身材總和達平均數的,一概依從「有食唔食,罪大惡極」之原則。

「博弈者」慎選對象,出手前必先為對方進行心理質數評估,太易得手或程度不及的,統統淘汰。

若然大家對「博弈者」感興趣,我明天再發一篇作詳談。
 
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