Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Tears

親愛的在哭泣, 在夜街中, 在酒吧內, 在的士上.

停不了的眼淚一直滾滾流下, 從她清醒到酒醉再到半醉.

我除卻敷衍地叫她不要哭外做不了些甚麼.

是很壞的一個朋友吧.

其實我也很難過, 不單為她流下的眼淚, 更為無法坦白地跟她說出心裡的想法.

* * * * *
女生偶爾碰到不相熟的中年人.想必是發現女生的愁緒, 冒昧問女生被甚麼困擾.

女生說她為她死去的朋友難過, 每當想起他便無法自制地流下眼淚.

學佛的中年人答道, "親愛的, 你的每顆眼淚, 不過是為自己而流."

女生覺得被冒犯, 嘩啦嘩啦地跟中年人道出事情始末.

過身的不單是她友人, 更是情人.

一個已婚的情人.

中年人耐心地傾聽女生要說的故事, 聽罷後還是拋下一句 "你的每顆眼淚, 不過是為自己而流."

女生氣結, 認為這個說話霸道的佛門弟子已放棄了七情六慾, 哪懂得傷心為何物. 又因自覺被誤解, 對中年人說過的話耿耿於懷.

既然揮不去"為自己而流"這五個大字, 她開始想要了解話中的意思.

一星期兩星期, 毫無進展, 女生氣餒下逐漸放棄要了解明白. 一個月兩個月, 女生已經把中年人說過的話拋諸腦後如常地工作玩樂.

也許偶爾哭泣, 但生活總算重回軌道.

然後一天, 女生突然明白了兩件事, 毫無原故地.

其一, 她人生中的所流過的每一滴淚, 統統是為自己而流.

其二, 她哭的每一刻, 不過是在找退路, 而非出路.

* * * * *
親愛的仍然在哭泣, 在夜街中, 在酒吧內, 在的士上.

停不了的眼淚大顆大顆的落在我肩膀上, 從我清醒到酒醉再到半醉.

好想對她說一句 "你的每顆眼淚, 不過是為自己而流."

可我沒有中年人的智慧去為她解釋話中的契機.

更害怕這句話會在她疲憊不堪的心窩多劃上一個傷痕.

只好對她說"想哭便狠狠的哭過夠吧."

我的肩膀雖不及男生的壯大寬闊, 卻肯定比他們的可靠.

Just remember it will all fade, like me & you, like everything else.

* * * * *

2 comments:

oz said...

Yours is a very zen story, and its true that we are caught up in our own emotions.

By the way, what dont you get? We are good at table-tennis, hence the variations. Its the japanese one that's puzzling; i didnt know they are good at threesomes, foursomes etc.

For the Korean one, its because they lost to a chinese girl in their best sport i.e. archery and said that our girl is of korean descent!

May be you dont read chinese newspapers to see the funny side of it, or may be its 4:48am, not the best time for a stupid joke!

oz said...

More I read more I admire your tenacity. I'd have given up typing in chinese long ago (and your chinese is certainly better than mine, in terms of expressiveness).

By the way, I also like your selection of blogs. Where do you come across these people? e.g.小火花,hana,都是那些日子,過眼未雲烟等,these are all very interesting bloggers. Of course, there is my blog, which I try to be different from the usual ones. But sometimes I find myself to be too boring and lack of ingenuity

 
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