Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Meeting Copperfield (By 張大小姐)

上文提到,我跟張大小姐是心意相通的雙生兒.

以下是她於週一發給寶藥黨的電郵,Send於我文出街前的七分鐘.

現得張大小姐同意轉載,
希望各位細心欣賞,
非因你會發現我倆到底有幾邪靈地Twins,
而是因為,
這是一篇警訊.
-------------------------------
I hung up with my friend C. Pondering.

Not only do our menstruation cycles sync up after years of being good friends, we dress up in similar outfits when we meet up, even our relationships with men resembles one another. But, this isn't a piece about our psychic ability, this is a story about a week in Denver.

I have concluded you are a genuine jerk. You lied to my face with such ease and grace, it's unbelievable. You schemed and plotted, using all your assets (literally everything material wise and emotional wise) to achieve this plan of yours. Congratulations, master of deception. You are David Copperfield.

I am not asking for an essay or a lengthy heartbreaking conversation explaining why you ceased communication with me and have disappeared from the face of earth. I'm not even there physically to cause a scene or scar your oh so delicate heart. I am seven-thousand-four-hundred-seventy-eight miles away from you, with no direct flights from my point to your point, pleading for a reply through emails. I deserve a proper closure for what happened between us. Why? Because decent, mature, kind human beings do not turn away from situations like such, knowing fully that a simple "yes", "no", "hi", "ok" is all that's needed to comfort the other party and to put an end to things. And, maybe deep down inside, in my fucked up sense of rationality, I still think that you are a nice person and what you have shown me during that week wasn't a hallucination. No, it was real - the reality of you deceiving me.

You picked me up from Denver International Airport 9.30 in the morning on a Wednesday. Wearing a bright red shirt. Your favorite color. I was too nervous and excited to even look you straight in the eyes. You bought a GPRS system, so my visit would go as smoothly as possible. Unused to the functions on the little device yet you refused to let me teach you or touch the machine, because that means I could peek at the places you were planning for me to visit. You wanted them to be a surprise.

We argued on that Thursday. I stayed in the car throwing a tantrum, you went ahead to get take out. You took a long time, considering it was fast food. I never mentioned that I saw you from outside, and caught you trying to clamp a plushie from one of those claw machines. You failed in the end, but I teared up in joy, babe.

I woke up 3.50am, found you sitting beside me applying Benedril on my dime sized mosquito bites. You said, "Baby, you were scratching non-stop, I went and bought you some cream."

I would have been just as happy, if we had sandwiches in the car for dinner instead of sharing fondue on Monday evening. Sipping sauvignon blanc by the Trinchero family, feeding each other sizzling cubes of food, licking off the accidental droplets of cheese landing on you and on me, admiring the setting sun and its splendid colors in a private curtained booth in the restaurant. Chad, our waiter, assured us we would have absolute privacy after all the dishes were served to our table.

The view was amazing even if it was just overlooking some highway in Littleton. I thought, yea, I could leave my concrete jungles behind. Stop wearing Christian Louboutins. Give up those pretty Chloe dresses. Sell my sea view pad. Be thousands of miles away from my friends. For you, in the middle of butt fuck no where.

"I really care for you and I like you a lot, in case you didn't notice."
"Silly woman, of course I know. Come here to me."

I honestly don't understand how you did it, Asshole. The facial expressions, the dialogs, the actions, the manners, were all 10 out of 10, flawless. You really didn't have to go that far to please me if you were just trying to tap my ass. You knew I have already fallen for you. All you needed was to ask. No strings attached if you stated what exactly you were looking for in the first place. It's almost as if you are justifying breaking my heart into a million pieces in that sick and twisted mind of yours with all the niceness. You could have stopped all the sweetness that Wednesday I was leaving the base. On the way to the airport, you didn't have to ask me if I would stay a couple more days, just to wake from that week of dream a little later. That question melted my heart. You didn't have to pack a bag of popcorn for me and put it into my hand-carry secretly, in case I got hungry on the flight.

You were a great friend and a great listener, you made me laugh. You came back to your room between work breaks, just to show me your color changing eyeglasses on Skype because I had never seen them before. We talked for hours on the phone with you asking "Why is it so hard to hang up on you baby?" at the end of each of our conversations. You hadn't once disappointed me in anyway for the past 3 years we have known eachother, prior to the week.

"I will fly to Aurora from Hong Kong, stay for a week and see where it would bring us, William Jones."

I was so wrong.

PS ( Please substitute your name with any digusting male name pops up in your head, and change the location to HK and basically it will be my friend's version of "Meeting Copperfield".)

-------------------------------

唉,我既PS係:
各位姊妹,帶眼識人矣啦.

又,點解我個個朋友仔都勇我咁多?
自爆呢回事呢......
Hm.....

17 comments:

eric said...

咁夜都仲未訓?

呢個故事嘅男主角喺唔喺已經有家室嘅呢?就算佢回電郵,個答案點樣都好,都唔會好得去邊。

C+ said...

Eric,何出此言呢? Basic Respect 不是沒有性別地域之分嗎?

C+ said...

又,男主角單身,細張大小姐兩年.

Anonymous said...

係咪送外賣,與買主發生磨擦呢?

>>a GPRS system...
It's not designed for navigation, honey ! It's a god damn outdated wireless internet access...

>>...to ask. No strings attached...
That's what all men want, isn't it...hehehehe

>>...didn't have to ask me if I would stay a couple more days,...
How the heck anyone will know what you want, stay or not, right ?
I sense some contradictions with a little bit of expected sweety from that little lonely twisted soul.

勇字當頭 with 無腦 is equal or greater chance than 屎得很壯烈。

神秘 evil twin 大叔

C+ said...

Evil 大叔:

唉,世風日下,誰沒有試過Travel Internationally Just For Sex? 哈哈哈

轟烈地磨擦尚可一了百了,就是曼妙得讓人沒齒難忘才死命的嘗試捉緊.

我們再無腦,也總比他們無Balls 好吧?

哼!

Unreality 泡影 said...

其實警訊會說明犯案手法, 然而就妳們的情況, 真心或是假戲根本無法分辨, 又如何能預防下次事情的發生呢?

其實想知一個男人是否認真對妳, 不是看他有多浪漫, 而是看他把多少寄託給妳

將來的討論、興趣的發展、生活的磨合、家門鎖匙等等, 這些老掉牙的東東或許都被性急的女人略過... 但都代表發展將來的可能性

gwenzilla said...

wow... i am speechless...

男人同女人一樣,想要欺騙一個人,會做到足,因為 the whole process is like, 你要將自己都欺騙埋先至可以製造到一個咁perfect/flawless騙局。

用心係乜,我就唔知啦!起火都只貪求過癮,求滿足感。

Unreality 泡影 said...

其實呢篇文, 如果個男仔睇到, 佢會有好大既滿足感, 仲會好似賽後報告咁檢討下佢自己既策略...

其實唔肯發展長遠愛情既男仔, 一定有佢既避諱. 如果真係要做警訊, 應該羅列男仔邊 d 地方會露出佢唔肯發展長遠愛情既馬腳

eric said...

那當然。我的意思是,長痛不如短痛,電郵數次沒有下文,此君人品有問題,也就無謂再追下去了。

Leona said...



與男人分手第一大忌:永不寫分手信,問他為什麼不要你
不要說分隔千里,就算朝夕相對,他不答你就是不答你
男人變了的心,如潑出去的水,不要奢望一封信會令他感動
他追求你時,你寫一個字他都如獲至寶,想入非非;他想和你離開時,你縱是大文豪翻生,他也嫌你煩

縱是回你,得到是會是什麼?
請看看Jane Austen筆下"世上最絕分手信"(以賤男名義發出)
http://hk.myblog.yahoo.com/siu82english/article?mid=17082

我學懂了一件事:愛得越甜蜜,分手越痛苦
當你今天痛苦時,想想他曾和你一起過的美好時光,就夠了

Unreality 泡影 said...

>他想和你離開時,你縱是大文豪翻生,他也嫌你煩

這次事件好像不是已拍拖的情人分手, 而是純粹的一次食完即棄

食完即棄, 看到這篇讚他演技出眾的信, 應該會覺得沾沾自喜, 而不會覺得煩

Leona said...

食完即棄嗎?

我以為二人已相交一些日子呢--

"You hadn't once disappointed me in anyway for the past 3 years we have known eachother, prior to the week."

anyway, the point is - 和一個男人分手,無謂再寫什麼信了
不管他沾沾自喜或嫌煩,你都是自討沒趣
何苦難為自己(我這樣說因為我試過,ok?)

xiao zhu said...

很同意 Leona 的兩段。

無論是甚麼原因,如果結果還是要分手的,切忌不甘心;尤其是如果大家也曾真正快樂過。工作、事業上的不甘心,倒也容易化成正面的推動力,感情上的不甘心,嗯,很危險呢!

C+ said...

RE: 泡影
嗯,咁我要分析一下再寫篇警訊!但,你都真係幾細心喎!將來的討論、興趣的發展、生活的磨合、家門鎖匙呢d我真係從來唔諗的!

Oops!!

***
RE: GWEN
只能嘆一句,世上Player 何其多.

不過呢,知佢地D招數係有Global Standard,總算一件好事.

***
RE: LEONA
>>> 世上最絕分手信
好正!好正!好正!好正!好正!

我都叫大少姐睇開d,但諗諗下,佢鬧左個心舒服d,咪鬧囉.找人打佢一身舒服d,咪找囉.但前提係,唔好Expect 呢個Action 會改變任何野.

有時我諗,如果黃玫瑰無上莊國棟屋企搗亂,莊會不會餘生都忘不了她?

有力氣罵,有動力罵,還是好的.

不罵不爭靜靜行開的,是愛得不夠,又或自己的心老了累了,只有自己知道呀!

當然,不罵不爭也可以是 "我愛你所以我尊重你,祝你幸福”,但愛得如此正路理智,嗯,好像不夠Exciting! =p

C+ said...

RE: Eric & XiaoZhu
我估大小姐十年後睇返封信會笑爆!

都是年輕的見證啊!

Ka said...

i can sooooooooo relate to the part where the jerk ignores all kind of contacts..yet she still kept trying..

i have been there before..it sucked

C+ said...

RE: Ka

been there done that too! (think we all have)

and isn't it good that we all survived pass it?? *wink*

 
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