難怪

假如我是
自己最真摯的知己，
但同時是
自己最可怕的的敵人，
難怪我一出生便是名
精神分列病患．

這些人說：
敵是友，友是敵．
敵友難分，
難怪我如此不安；
與敵同眠，
難怪我如此迷茫．

那些人說：
要贏人，先要贏自己
勝負，勝負，
但贏的，是自己．
輸的，又是自己．
難怪我總是懶惰．

又有人說：
要認識自己，
更要認識敵人．
但我天生迷茫不安，
又生性懶惰，
難怪我一直膽怯．

愛我的人說：
親愛的，你應該
化敵為友．
難怪我一直掙扎，
難怪我一直氣餒，
難怪我一直痛苦．

願你我
不再說
難怪

The Missing Pieces

痴女文筆有限，詞不達意時有發生．再加不學無術，寫文，只能從生活上取材．The only reason I write is to share my inconclusive findings from my life. 發「求生應變」一文，純粹想分享幾個防止墮入Obsession的實用小方法．假如引起各位誤會／不安／猜想／鼓譟／擔心，實屬無心之失，敬希各位見諒．

自知近日表現飄忽，深思過後，發現最近滯留於地球時間劇增，但心卻連做夢也想回歸火星．心難安，人，自然迷亂．未來數月，逗留地球時間只會有增無減．人必先自救而人救之，眼前首要任務，是如何重整態度，虛心拿捏地球生存之道．

另外我想重申，不論過去現在將來，懶搞笑，自嘲同扮Black Humor是本博不能欠缺的元素．假如有人真心相信我已成「棄婦」，我只能極之非常不好意思地重覆某字五次．．．






哈
哈
哈
哈
哈

求生應變

Stop Obsessing Why & How
慶還慶，傷心還傷心，但千祈唔好坐係到死諗難諗“點解個仆街人渣做d咁仆街人渣既野？”

Ok一個仆街人渣做仆街人渣既野，係絕對正常．呢一刻，你亦的而且確係棄婦，但無謂逼到自己變成痴Q線的棄婦．

Suggestion：開始一些需要持續性的小project to divert ur focus.
My Way: 將家中地磚間的鏬縫清潔，再以毛筆掃上一層白油翻新．(好抵玩！玩左十個鐘先油得半個廳！)

Avoid Alcohol Indulgence
失戀走去劈酒，拍TVB 爛劇乎？想講酒入愁腸愁更愁，但娘之餘，我又問唔到條腸去Confirm真假．

之但係飲左酒， Drunk & Dial/ Email機會劇增之餘，第二日Hangover 時頂住頭痛諗返自己酒後糊塗既所作所為，通常會後悔得想自殺．

Suggestion：一滴酒都唔好飲．
My Way：一係唔飲，要飲就要係屋企Stock up寶礦力，再連續Shot 八個Patron，保證自己先斷片，後Pass out．訓醒時啪兩支寶礦力，噢又是新的一天了．(Not recommended for the faint hearted)

Eat Plenty Of Right Food
好多人興心情唔好，無胃口食野就由佢．我明，我都試過．但正確的食物可以Boost up your mood．朱古力有提昇情緒之用就係人都知，But a moment on the lips，forever on the hips．呢個時候，更加唔可以自暴自棄地擺d高危食物入口．

Suggestion: 唔好求其整飽自己就算，要涉取足夠蛋白質，維他命及鐵質．
My Way: 每日食兩條蕉！蕉是好很堅的，從Depression 到 Brain Power 到 Hangover 到 PMS (and the list goes on)都有食療效用！More info here.

仲有兩三項，得閒再寫．

又，炒下冷飯先
關於仆街

好戲之人

今早起來，再讀大小姐的電郵，心抽著痛．回了她一句: "You did enjoy the ride for as long as it lasted, and it too, was part of the reality."

讓我甜笑過的傻話；
讓我心動過的眼神；
讓我反覆回味的吻．

他第一次親口說喜歡我時的感動；
他第一次牽著我手時的微妙觸感；
他第一次赤裸身驅緊抱我的震撼．

統共是真的，
曾經，一度．
起碼，於我．

還是那句：喂人地交足戲時，我點都拍兩下手掌丫下話．

演技高低之別，並非著眼於口中所唸出的對白，而是演員如何演繹那一番已有千萬人說過的指定台詞．旁人可能早已察覺男主角的聲線語調有多浮誇，眼神動作又是如何的粗糙．是女主角意亂情迷下入戲太深，無厘頭把一齣C級驚慄懸疑片，當成A級浪漫愛情喜劇來演．

戲子無情，婊子無義．
戲外，我從來是婊子一名，
戲內，我是演婊子的戲子．
把他誤當成Tom Hanks，
因而想當一次Meg Ryan，
實是我的痴女妄想症病發而已．

擇善固執，
既然他的戲比他的心真上百倍，
也許眼前我最該做的，
是誠心地向他拜師學戲．

Meeting Copperfield (By 張大小姐)

上文提到，我跟張大小姐是心意相通的雙生兒．

以下是她於週一發給寶藥黨的電郵，Send於我文出街前的七分鐘．

現得張大小姐同意轉載，
希望各位細心欣賞，
非因你會發現我倆到底有幾邪靈地Twins，
而是因為，
這是一篇警訊．
-------------------------------
I hung up with my friend C. Pondering.

Not only do our menstruation cycles sync up after years of being good friends, we dress up in similar outfits when we meet up, even our relationships with men resembles one another. But, this isn't a piece about our psychic ability, this is a story about a week in Denver.

I have concluded you are a genuine jerk. You lied to my face with such ease and grace, it's unbelievable. You schemed and plotted, using all your assets (literally everything material wise and emotional wise) to achieve this plan of yours. Congratulations, master of deception. You are David Copperfield.

I am not asking for an essay or a lengthy heartbreaking conversation explaining why you ceased communication with me and have disappeared from the face of earth. I'm not even there physically to cause a scene or scar your oh so delicate heart. I am seven-thousand-four-hundred-seventy-eight miles away from you, with no direct flights from my point to your point, pleading for a reply through emails. I deserve a proper closure for what happened between us. Why? Because decent, mature, kind human beings do not turn away from situations like such, knowing fully that a simple "yes", "no", "hi", "ok" is all that's needed to comfort the other party and to put an end to things. And, maybe deep down inside, in my fucked up sense of rationality, I still think that you are a nice person and what you have shown me during that week wasn't a hallucination. No, it was real - the reality of you deceiving me.

You picked me up from Denver International Airport 9.30 in the morning on a Wednesday. Wearing a bright red shirt. Your favorite color. I was too nervous and excited to even look you straight in the eyes. You bought a GPRS system, so my visit would go as smoothly as possible. Unused to the functions on the little device yet you refused to let me teach you or touch the machine, because that means I could peek at the places you were planning for me to visit. You wanted them to be a surprise.

We argued on that Thursday. I stayed in the car throwing a tantrum, you went ahead to get take out. You took a long time, considering it was fast food. I never mentioned that I saw you from outside, and caught you trying to clamp a plushie from one of those claw machines. You failed in the end, but I teared up in joy, babe.

I woke up 3.50am, found you sitting beside me applying Benedril on my dime sized mosquito bites. You said, "Baby, you were scratching non-stop, I went and bought you some cream."

I would have been just as happy, if we had sandwiches in the car for dinner instead of sharing fondue on Monday evening. Sipping sauvignon blanc by the Trinchero family, feeding each other sizzling cubes of food, licking off the accidental droplets of cheese landing on you and on me, admiring the setting sun and its splendid colors in a private curtained booth in the restaurant. Chad, our waiter, assured us we would have absolute privacy after all the dishes were served to our table.

The view was amazing even if it was just overlooking some highway in Littleton. I thought, yea, I could leave my concrete jungles behind. Stop wearing Christian Louboutins. Give up those pretty Chloe dresses. Sell my sea view pad. Be thousands of miles away from my friends. For you, in the middle of butt fuck no where.

"I really care for you and I like you a lot, in case you didn't notice."
"Silly woman, of course I know. Come here to me."

I honestly don't understand how you did it, Asshole. The facial expressions, the dialogs, the actions, the manners, were all 10 out of 10, flawless. You really didn't have to go that far to please me if you were just trying to tap my ass. You knew I have already fallen for you. All you needed was to ask. No strings attached if you stated what exactly you were looking for in the first place. It's almost as if you are justifying breaking my heart into a million pieces in that sick and twisted mind of yours with all the niceness. You could have stopped all the sweetness that Wednesday I was leaving the base. On the way to the airport, you didn't have to ask me if I would stay a couple more days, just to wake from that week of dream a little later. That question melted my heart. You didn't have to pack a bag of popcorn for me and put it into my hand-carry secretly, in case I got hungry on the flight.

You were a great friend and a great listener, you made me laugh. You came back to your room between work breaks, just to show me your color changing eyeglasses on Skype because I had never seen them before. We talked for hours on the phone with you asking "Why is it so hard to hang up on you baby?" at the end of each of our conversations. You hadn't once disappointed me in anyway for the past 3 years we have known eachother, prior to the week.

"I will fly to Aurora from Hong Kong, stay for a week and see where it would bring us, William Jones."

I was so wrong.

PS ( Please substitute your name with any digusting male name pops up in your head, and change the location to HK and basically it will be my friend's version of "Meeting Copperfield".)

-------------------------------

唉，我既PS係：
各位姊妹，帶眼識人矣啦．

又，點解我個個朋友仔都勇我咁多？
自爆呢回事呢．．．．．．
Hm．．．．．

親愛的，我回來了

小時讀女校，友輩間相傳，好姊妹會隨著交情加深，邪靈地變得Around the same time M到．這些年仍未能証實傳聞，再好姊妹，也總不好意思每月問：「喂你今個月幾號M到？黎左幾多日？」　再者，我又沒有誤踏PMS地雷陣的危機，這等經年的Surveillance report，還是交由男人負責實際．

當然，假如他施以可觀利誘，我是絕對願意出賣好友生理週期表的．

近日跟張大小姐捧著電話互訴仆街人事，一說之下，發現我倆近期的仆街遭遇，肇事地點雖然不同，但仆街原因，落地姿態以及受傷位置，一式一樣．

人說雙生兒有心靈感應，我與大小姐相交相識近廿個年頭，早已心意互通．對仆街事的應變措施，大同小異；但說到雙生，還是比不上那兩位犯案動機與手法同出一轍的騙徒．

好姊妹，未必一同M到，但會Around the same time仆 very similar的街．

遇上寶藥黨，理應即時向親戚朋友作出呼籲，以防增加受害人數．但經我倆事後檢討，發現今次上當原因，離不開一個七字．士氣再低落，骨氣，總得保育．打落門牙和血吞，實是自作七後，必然要吃的果．

驕兵之所以必敗，因終會被自負矇混，自命高手之日，便是忘卻「一山還有一山高」之時．

說起高手，其實夏生還有三兩篇博弈文於我手上．但經商量後，決定把它們留作內部傳閱：一來怕Political Incorrectness，二來怕被人誤解為博弈高手，前來挑戰比武．

又，你曾幾何時見David Copperfield無情情抽起條筋自爆魔術秘技？

模式化約會

最近幾位博弈者不約而同的嘆道：香港的Dating Scene，好很悶。

原因：太難找到旗鼓相當的對象。

不知何時開始，於香港Dating，有一套特定模式。

想見你，不單應該主動約會你，還得找一個冠冕堂皇的藉口約會你。
（想看你的臉，不就是最好的原因嗎？）

掛念你，不單應該主動致電你，還得隔著電話說一句親愛的我想你。
（我無端來電，不是因掛念你想聽聽你聲音，打來幹舍?）

喜歡你，應當一星期七天跟你膩在一起，亦因此必須跟你不喜歡的人斷絕來往。
（介紹你給我的朋友認識，不是尊重的表現嗎？你竟反過來嫌疑棄他們？）

噢，當然還得送你你喜歡的貴重禮物以表誠意。
不斷的要求呵索，不斷的取悅奉承，And you wonder why 熱情一定會冷卻？

博弈者須為對象進行心理質數評估，就是要濾走模式化的信徒。
Sorry, we just don’t have time for that shit.
And in case you didn't already know,
I am in fact, a person with free will,
who will never become your fxxking slave.

然後約會對象說：
你不這樣那樣做，就等於不喜歡我。

親愛的，我當然不喜歡你。
我們認識了還不夠兩星期...

＝＝＝＝＝＝
C+ 有話說
最近黎三萬太紅，忍唔住想抽抽水。

月入三萬的女人，梗係想找個收入高過佢既男人
月入三十萬的女人，洗鬼理男人收入幾多咩．．．

唉幾時先學識爭氣呢真係？

喂，你地知我係掛住你地，亂咁找籍口插下嘴架可？

Players Vs Gamers

C+舊文The Generics Strategies Of...，意圖描繪高中低手「玩家」的進攻策略．今天就說說另一種約會生態，我們圈內稱之為「博弈者」(Gamers)的一群。

「玩家」與「博弈者」的最大分別，在於策略應用。「玩家」大多只得三兩款Standardized技量賣弄，不論對象，策略一致。「博弈者」奉行博弈論，總是先預測約會對象行為，觀察實際行為，再度身制定優化策略。

「玩家」喜風頭，把不得全世界都知道他的風流史，最好你有幸親眼目擊，再把艷史傳開以為他作Word Of Mouth 宣傳，特喜歡把約會對象帶至相熟地方，以便別人把他認出。

「博弈者」擅低調，當親朋好友都為他孤家寡人著急，其實過去半年的約會對象多得你Lost Track。從未被人發現，是他擅於Go under the radar，是以從不帶約會對象到自己地盤。

「玩家」喜速戰速決，嚴謹地計算成本效益，以本小利大方案捕捉獵物。總言之先到手，再決定Empty Trash與否。

「博弈者」沉迷於Chase & Catch，暗自期求對象不要太快落疊，以便扭盡心思把誘惑升級。那當然是他過足癮之前的事。

「玩家」的對象多而廣，樣貌加身材總和達平均數的，一概依從「有食唔食，罪大惡極」之原則。

「博弈者」慎選對象，出手前必先為對方進行心理質數評估，太易得手或程度不及的，統統淘汰。

若然大家對「博弈者」感興趣，我明天再發一篇作詳談。